melnhardy

I am sooooo hungry. Only problem is, I don’t know if it’s TOM, or if my body really needs food. What’s a girl to do? I swear, I think I could eat anyone under the table right now.

Sorry, but I just needed to get this off my chest. This is the 3rd day of this. Even when I eat , I’m still hungry afterwards(snack or full meal, it doesn’t matter). I’m not talking I think I’m hungry, I’m talking the growling in my tummy is scaring small children hungry. I keep drinking water to try and fill the void. Only problem with that is that now I’m in the bathroom every 30-45 minutes. I’ve tried to keep a sense of humor about this, but it’s getting harder. Last night I snacked on half a bag of microwave popcorn, a Skinny cow ice cream sandwich and a soft pretzel (all were spaced at least 20 minutes apart so I would have a chance to feel satisfied). I ate the soft pretzel so fast, my hubby asked, “Did you even taste it?” What I wanted to tell him was, “Yes butthead, yes I did and it was great, now go get me another one.”

So far, I’m staying well within my points, but I’ve been on WW for 4 months now and this is the first time it has been this bad. Any suggestions?

Another 2 pounds gone.  Yeah me. 

Although, I had a moment of panic yesterday morning.  Last week I worked really, really hard to lose extra weight because I knew I had a family reunion to go to this past Saturday.  I figured I would try to lose at least 4 pounds by Saturday so I could enjoy myself @ the reunion.  This way, I would still have a loss for the week.  So, Saturday morning comes, I do my workout, get on the scale and I’m 4 pounds down.  Ate a light breakfast, went to the reunion, and enjoyed myself without over-indulging.

I get up Sunday morning, do my workout and then get on the scale.  All four pounds were back!  I was so bummed.  I mean it’s not like I went overboard.  I had expected to gain a pound or two back on Saturday, but FOUR POUNDS in one freakin’ day!?!?  Needless to say, I was bummed all day.  My hubby, step-son, and I went for a mile walk at the park and then visited a friend.  Afterwards, we had decided to go to MD for McFlurries (I planned for and had a fruit n’ yogut parfait).  The whole way home, I have to hear how it was the best McFlurry ever and how ther girl making them had put extra stuff in it.  GRRRRRR! 

 I swear, I think they were messing with my head because last night, they had Spumoni ice cream and once again, “This is the best Spumoni I’ve ever had.  It even has whole pistachios in it.”  Double GRRRRRR!

 All I kept thinking all day, was, “I gained 4 freakin’ pounds in one day, while these two are eating this junk and not gaining a pound.  B#$@&#d’s ”

Of course, it was a great relief when I hopped on the scale this morning and 2 of those 4 pounds were gone…just as I had planned.

I am currently 7 pounds behind on my personal schedule to lose 10 pounds per month.  That gives me 5 weeks to lose 17 pounds.  We have no family get togethers or any other functions until Thanksgiving, so now I’ll just have to play “catch-up”. 

Wow.  I was looking at my logbook and comparing where I was last week vs. this week.  So I only lost 1 pound, but I lost 1/2″ each from my chest, hips & thighs and 1″ from my arms.  That is why it’s important to track measurements as well as weight.  The scale may show a small drop, but I’ll take those inches gone over pounds gone any day!

My total inches lost are as follows:  Chest = 4″, Waist = 3-3/4″, Hips = 4″, Thighs = 4-1/2″, and Arms = 2″

Not only, that, I have gone down at least one shoe size, 2 pants sizes, 2 shirt sizes and my rings are so big I had to wrap them with a band-aid to keep them from falling off.  My watch was getting tight on my wrist, now it slides about 2 inches down my arm!

I guess what I’m trying to do is to remind myself not to focus so much on the scale that I don’t notice the other signs of progress.

Okay, so I only lost 1 pound this week.  Of course, I know why.  I ate GOOD this weekend and you know what?  I enjoyed myself, so therefore, I do not feel guilty.  Friday night, the hubby and I went out and we split a large plate of nachos and a pitcher of a high-calorie specialty drink.  Saturday night, my husband fixed teriyaki Ribeye steaks and rice.  Last night, we went to a Chinese buffet to celebrate both my step-father’s and my B-Day (they are a week apart).  I stuffed myself with a veggie/shrimp stir-fry, crab legs, and assorted other items.  All the portions except the ones mentioned above were no more than a bite or two each, which I assume helped keep me from gaining weight this week.  Like I said, I had fun.  I mean I really enjoyed myself.  Why should I deprive myself and be miserable while losing weight?  Isn’t that what leads to failure?  I think I would rather have a small setback/delay in reaching my goal, if it means I can be successful and keep it off.  To me, that is a much better alternative than losing all the weight quickly and then gaining it all back plus some.  Wow, did everyone see the light bulb just go off over my head.  J

I finally went through my closet this weekend and got rid of everything that was too big.  I used to hold onto those clothes “just in case,” but no more.  I refuse to go back to that, so why bother holding onto those clothes? 

The really bad thing is that the negative inner voice kept telling me, “I don’t know why you gave those away, you know you’ll need them again someday.”   I hate that b***h and refuse to listen to her.  My goal for this week (and next week and the week after that…) is to get rid of that inner  voice that tells me I’m not good enough.  I think I’ll start by telling myself, “Wow, I lost 1 whole pound this week, that’s awesome!” Instead of, “I only lost 1 pound this week.”  There, take that negative Nelly! 

’til next time…..

Melissa

As I was lying in bed last night, I had an epiphany. 

I have been so worried about saying (or not saying) the right thing, that I haven’t blogged on a regular basis.  But you know what?  This is my blog.  This is my place to make me better.  I can say whatever I’m feeling here.  I can make my blog as long or as short as I want.  If anyone is offended by what I have to say, don’t read it.  If anyone is bored by what I have to say, move on.  While I will do my best to support everyone here and will always watch my p’s and q’s when commenting or posting on someone elses blog, I can be totally selfish and stupid and just be my dorky, rambling self on my blog. 

I realize this is a weight-loss forum, so I will try to limit most of what I blog to weight-loss topics, but am not making any promises.  Buddy Slim is a weight loss tool, so if I need to vent (to keep from eating), then I can do it here.  Isn’t what we are thinking and feeling a big part of why we are overweight?  When something bothers me, I want to eat. 

But then again, when I’m bored, I want to eat.  When I go out, I want to eat.  When I get up in the morning, I want to eat.  When I eat, I want to eat (more).  Do you see the pattern here?  I seem to be obsessed with food.  I obsess over what I can and what I can’t eat.  I obsess over what I will eat next and when I will eat it. 

If I’m not obsessing about food, I’m obsessing about my weight.  How much do I weigh now?  How much will I weigh tomorrow?  If I eat this, how many points and how will affect my weight?  If I do this exercise, will it build muscle and add weight?  If I don’t do that, how will it affect my weight?  What will happen if I skip a workout?

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH! 

I have got to find a way to stop obsessing.  Even when I’m busy, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking about food or my weight.  What is wrong with me?

 Okay, I’m going to go eat a banana and see if I can keep my mind on something (anything) else.

Does anyone else out there struggle with your self-image?  

Why is it when I’m alone, I feel so good about myself, but get me out in public next to some young, skinny thing and all of a sudden I feel like an old, beached whale?  Why do I do that to myself? 

I have worked so hard to get where I am and yet it’s still not enough.   Of course, I could force feed all the skinny chicks of the world, but that wouldn’t solve anything.  :) 

I’ve got to stop comparing myself with others and learn to compare my(new)self to my(old)self, but just don’t know how to do that.  Maybe I should adopt the Stuart Smalley approach, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me.”  :)   Only maybe I should change it to, “I’m a beautiful woman, I’m getting thinner, but above all that I’m much healthier.”

Well, I didn’t lose 5 pounds like I wanted, but I did lose 3 pounds (2 of which were a gain at last weeks weigh-in), so I am officially at 30 pounds gone.  All of the B-day cake & ice cream is gone, so now is the time for me to get back on track.

Last week I toyed with the idea of only losing an additional 20-30 pounds.  I decided if I’m going to do this, might as well do it right.  I’m going all the way and lose a minimum of 70 more pounds.  That would put me at a total loss of 100 pounds and a weight of 140 pounds, within a healthy BMI for my age/height. 

As someone pointed out to me last week, the next 70 pounds (even the next 20-30) are going to come off a lot slower than the first 20-30.  My (hope) goal is to prove that person wrong. 

I know I can, I know I can, I know I can!

Something interesting happened twice yesterday.First off, yesterday was my 37^th Birthday, so…Happy Birthday to me.One of my friends on this site, Brian, reached his goal and I am so incredibly happy for him.I saw him last night at the station and mentioned that I hoped to join him by this time next year and said, “But you don’t have 100 pounds to lose.”  

Then, my mother-in-law last night commented on how much smaller I was.  I thanked her and stated how I had a long way to go.  She insisted I didn’t and only had to lose about 20-30 more pounds.  Any more than that and I would be too skinny. 

So, this morning, I came into work and asked one of my co-workers, “I want a totally honest answer, if you had to guess how much weight I still have to lose, what would you say?” 

Again, the same answer, 20-30 pounds.   

Hmmmm.  That got me to thinking. 

Have I been so focused on a stupid “cookie-cutter” number that I haven’t really looked at my body and what is best for it? 

Brian had mentioned he was having a hard time with body image.  Even as he was saying that, I was thinking to myself, “I’m glad I have an appropriate body image of myself.” Now I have to wonder if I really do. 

I will try to get some full body images posted soon.  I would love to know what everyone else thinks.

Okay, so yesterday I wrote about how the scale was up 2 pounds for weigh-in.  So, I shorted myself 6 points last night, plus walked 2 miles last night.  When I got on the scale this morning, not only are the 2 pounds gone, but an extra 1/2 pound.  Of course, I still have almost a week until my official weigh-in, but this makes me feel a little better.  Now to keep moving forward.  My hope is to lose 5 pounds this week, 2 for last week and 3 for this week, so I will be back on track of my 10 pounds per month weight loss goal.

Well, just when you start feeling all self-important, God has a way of humbling you real quick.  I was feeling so good about myself on Friday for resisting temptation.  Then I get on the scale this morning for my weigh-in.  I went up 2 pounds (actually 1-1/2 pounds, but I always round up.)  So, that means I just have to work that much harder this week, which will be hard since my birthday is Thursday.  It’s easy to say no to someone else’s B-day cake, but how do you say no to your own?  Oh well, I’ll just have to add a bunch of extra walks this week to make up for it.